Mo Kim

“Don’t wear that jacket – only fags would wear something like that.”

Years later and I still chafe at those words from my father. Even after I’ve left home, graduated college, and established myself as a professional and an adult, they take me back to 15, when I buried myself in oversized hoodies and tried my best to ignore church elders’ questions about which girls I liked. Back when my body still felt like a mannequin for other people to dress up and pose alongside. Back when it felt easier to be invisible than to be a target.

It wasn’t until college that I slowly began coming out to others – and as my queer identity emerged, so did my fashion preferences. This wasn’t exactly happening consciously: I was just free, for the first time in my life, to dress however I pleased, and I used this newfound freedom to make some truly heinous fashion choices. I ordered dozens of corny graphic tees off the Internet. I cleaned dorms after spring semester, picking stray J. Crew and L.L. Bean garments out of the clothes students left behind. And I made many trips to a budget clothing paradise called Primark, where I proceeded to purchase dozens of $10 flannels over the course of three years.

Were these necessarily thoughtful or tasteful decisions? Absolutely not. I look back on many of the old outfits in my Facebook profile with a mix of horror and fascination. But they were all part of the messy, lifelong process of fashioning a queer identity for myself. I may not have had the refined taste my wealthier Harvard classmates had, but I had $43 in my checking account and a dream. And with each experiment, whether dying my hair in a dorm-room bathroom or bringing back suspenders for an entire spring, I felt myself getting a little closer to the person I wanted to be – and I wanted others to see.

As time passed, I found that I wasn’t alone in this journey, either. I slowly found a beautiful circle of friends who both welcomed me as I was and pushed me to become a braver, kinder, and better friend myself. I found queer mentors who generously shared their stories, time, and wisdom with me. I graduated into my first teaching job, where I learned how many of my students were struggling with the same questions about my identity that I held 10 years ago. And I continued building a wardrobe of clothes I felt comfortable and confident in. Instead of trying to hide myself from the world, I slowly began to open myself up to it.

That brings me to today – where my friend Jenn has challenged me to put together my best “stereotypical lesbian” look (yes, she’s lesbian, she’s allowed to make that request). As it turns out, this is basically how I dressed in my senior year of college, give or take one pair of corduroys:

So how funny to look in the mirror and see a different person: someone happily in their first long-term relationship, living in an apartment that they’ve made their own. Stuffed animals crowd the bed and photos line the walls. Ten years ago, this would have felt impossible – that they could be this happy. It still feels impossible some days. But today’s outfit is a reminder that the journey is worthwhile. There is pain and struggle in this life, for sure, but so much joy and love to be found too.

Thanks for being here. This one’s for the gays.

Steal the look:

• $15 blazer from Goodwill (Literally just pick one off the rack as long as it fits. And then break it out whenever you want to make that white tee feel a little fancier than usual.)
• Flannel from T.J. Maxx (Have I mentioned my mom works here yet? And that she gets me a LOT of clothes whenever I visit?)
• GAP Straight Corduroy Pants with Washwell, Bright Brown (People on the Internet love to shit on GAP for whatever reason, but they have some hidden gems – like these pants which are very comfy and great if you find them on sale.)
• Vans X J.Crew Authentic Sneakers, Faded Red (Today I learned that Vans are apparently a HUGE lesbian brand. Great news for the 8 pairs I currently own!)

Coming tomorrow (technically today, since it’s 3AM): I dress up like one of my colleagues. Guess which one?